I would love to hear how each of you answered the question “Can you?” And, now that you have had some time to contemplate that, I have to say… I think my therapist was asking the wrong question.
When our frame is whether or not we can do something, the implication is that we might not be able to do it for one reason or another. I am a staunch believer in the idea that there is no such thing as can’t. The better question would have been “Will she?”
Because honestly that is what it comes down to. Do I have the enough will to do whatever it is I might dream of doing? Do I have enough will to take care of my wellbeing? Do I have enough will to stand up for what I believe in? Do I have enough will to learn new tricks? Do I have enough will to shed old tricks? Those are the better questions.
This is always shady territory when I say such things. At one and the same time, I am not a fan of meritocracy. I would never tell somebody to “pull themselves up by the bootstraps.” Nuance and complexity are important here. To believe in these things is to believe in rugged individuality. The truth is, none of us ever accomplishes anything alone. If you’ve accomplished something, you were helped.
The even better question, then, is “Will we?” Will we? Will we what? What is it that we are dreaming of? What is it that we crave? What better world do we envision? What could we be better at? What do we need to stop doing? Will we muster enough will to do these things?! Will we?
Let’s all take the things that we wondered if we could or not and ask ourselves this new question. I like to be outrageous in my dreams. Most would call me pie in the sky. So be it. But here’s the thing. I never think I am going to do it alone. I believe I am always helped in one way or another.
But nobody or nothing can help if we don’t say these things out loud. So let’s hear it. Drop your most outrageous answers to this question in the comments.
Will we?