What She Said.

No, really. What she said. This 15 year old Swede, that is. Meet Greta:

“So we can no longer save the world by playing by the rules, because the rules have to be changed.” 

Well it was my intention to gently walk myself, holding all of your hands, up to the edge of the water and slowly ease our way in one toe at a time. But Greta says we don’t have time for that. And the truth is, she’s right. So better we just all take the leap on the count of three. Ready? (Or not…………….. 3…………………..2………………….One.

If only it were that easy. Actually, one day it will be. This will feel like one  massive, impossible struggle until one day- splash, everyone’s in and the rules have changed. But until then here is what I intend to do. I intend to look at all of my worn out rules through my own personal life and see if I might bend them or upend them altogether. You are welcome to join me at any time.

1. Don’t make a mistake (your survival depends on it). I could have just summed them all up with this one, but instead let’s just call it the grand daddy of them all. I tend to think most people figure out quickly that this one deserves to be thrown out. I’m a slow learner  on this front, probably in part because I tend to succeed at things that I put my mind to. Remember that goody two shoes I was telling you about? That’s the result of a great deal of self-control. The important thing I have come to understand is that self-control and self-actualization are not the same thing. In fact, the former can stunt the latter if it is allowed to lead the show. Let self-actualization run the show. 
2. Think (long and hard) before you speak (such that it is likely you won’t ever say a word). Weren’t you taught that? Not to brag or anything, but I am pretty damn good at this one. The unfortunate thing here is that a whole lot does in fact go unsaid. I also find that it breeds a bit of an over-attachment to words. Now I know it is easy to argue the other side of this. Words have power, and we should therefore use them wisely. But I think it is o.k. to think out loud. This allows other people into your process. It allows us to release thoughts that no longer serve. Lastly, it gives other people more room to move too.
3. Don’t say something wrong (see #2). Well you know what, if you give up some of that self-control you are bound to say something “wrong.” Of course even with the self-control it is inevitable. Again, how about we give ourselves and each other a little more room to breathe. We can’t expand our edges if we aren’t allowed to explore them.
4. Don’t do something wrong (in other words, be perfect). You might guess I get an “A” here too. I think a better idea is to just show up authentically and with self-awareness. When you end up doing the wrong thing (again, inevitable), just own it and  move on.
5. Don’t fail (at all costs, no matter how long it takes). Ah, yes, the don’t tell me something is impossible rule. This one for me isn’t about never failing (I’ve done my fair share of that), it’s about succeeding in the end. Seems good, right? Yet there can be a dog headedness here that can end up being more about ego than about self-actualization. Sometimes the failure is the lesson and then you can move on to something else. The alternative is: embrace failure. I am having to do some really hard work on this one!
6. Know the answer. (If you don’t know the answer, figure it out quickly. Your survival depends on it.) I can hear you, people! O.K., I admit it. I can be a bit of a know-it-all. But for those of you who don’t know me that well, this deserves clarification. My brand of knowing isn’t really ego based, nor is it unconscious. It has more to do with the blessing (curse) of a highly analytical mind in combination with a sincere intent of putting it in the service of a higher purpose. Doing this has led me to be highly competent in multiple arenas. There are some arenas in which I might be considered an “expert” (professionally speaking). Yet all that knowing has led me to understand that wisdom isn’t found in the knowing, it is found in the not knowing. Some call this beginners mind. While I have understood this for some time, that unruly mind of mine still needs some training! Oh, and professionally speaking, in the work that I do (which revolves around catalyzing the potential of others) it is actually critical that I release all of my expertness in order to do that effectively.
7. Work hard. (Your survival depends on it.) Again, I tend to think most people have this one figured out. I have been more than a bit remedial in the life balancing act. All I am going to say on this front is thank you, Shannon, for your patience. I hope to some day be as good at playing as I am at working. That is because I understand how critical play is for the soul. 
8. Don’t cry (or show your emotions generally). I would like to think that most people understand that this one sucks. Just please, don’t follow it. Don’t follow it yourself, don’t ask your family to follow it, and for crying out loud don’t ask your kids to follow it. Just don’t. Cry. Cry out loud. Be a sloppy, emotional mess. And don’t apologize for it- to anyone. Let’s get over being afraid of our emotions. How else are we supposed to develop emotional intelligence, empathy, and the deep connection to our innermost selves?… all of which are required for us to overcome our state of separation.
9. Put others first. Again, I think we have generally seen through this one, but old habits die hard. And it’s hard for any caring, empathetic person to include him or herself as a primary quotient in the equation. Yet we must. There is a much larger discussion to be had here surrounding self and others which I am going to leave for later. For now, I’ll just go back to the simple wisdom of this: “put on your own oxygen mask first.”
10. Do no harm. Now really, come on?! What could possible be “wrong” with this one??? Some might even equate it with a variation on the Golden Rule. But it’s not. It’s off in a significant way. You ready for this? The issue is that it is a negative statement. To “do no harm” is in essence an attempt to negate your very presence. But your presence is divine in nature! You are meant to be here. You are meant to have an impact. You and me, being humans, will invariably do harm whether we intend to or not (often it happens when we just aren’t paying attention). To try to correct this situation by moving oh so carefully, quietly, tiptoeing so as not to disturb anything is preposterous! Worst of all, it negates the gift of our presence. The better idea here is to “play a value-adding role.” Have an impact! Make a splash! Just pay attention to whether or not things are elolving or devolving as a result of your words and actions. Then make any necessary adjustments. And… don’t fret the mistakes.

I’m boarding a plane to Barcelona now. More on this and the above soon!